I had such an overwhelming response of kindness for my last post. I've been blogging at KGG for so long that the idea of writing a personal blog had really fallen by the wayside. It's funny, considering it actually started as more of a personal blog. Anyhoo, I like the idea of sharing my personal thoughts and feelings, of chronicling my search to find my place, celebrating who I am. I'll never have enough for a book or won't be featured in the pages of women's magazines, but on some level this help me, and I guess that really is all that matters.
After a significant amount of disappointment through February and March, the last week has proven to shine through a glimmer of hope. I've had to interviews and another this coming Monday. One is a temporary position, but could yield something permanent if my work is well-liked. The other two positions come with personal recommendations, so I'm hoping that something comes through.
I'm still waiting on a decision about my graduate school application. I'm hoping that they don't just wait until April 15 to send out their rejections. I applied in February, by golly. I missed my TA deadline, but I can always apply next year. In the mean time, I'll apply for a new program scholarship and hope that it might come through. I've always known that an advanced degree was going to be necessary, especially in them museum and nonprofit world, but I'm seeing how lucky those who only have a BA are. Some of them got their BA 20-25 years ago and have been working their way up through the field, while someone now practically has to get a MA to even be considered for jobs.
The job search has caused a lot of reflection and I realized that I've spent so long obsessing about finding what I thought was the perfect job that I've never allowed myself to be happy. I left one organization for another in the fall because I thought that I would obtain more skills and learn more, but I left after only 3 months. I should have slowed down, weighed the options (and risks), and made absolutely certain what I was doing was the best option, especially when the pay was a dollar less and the benefits were terrible. I honestly now don't even know what I was thinking. I'm trying not to dwell, not to beat up on myself.
I have been meeting so many new people and making contacts. I didn't want to do anything this winter, I had no desire to get out of the house, but with spring comes possibility. I've taken a volunteer management class, talked with other members of the history community, and am working on getting my hands into some different volunteer projects. This is helped me break out of being so hyper-focused on finding a job in a museum. I have a lot to offer the entire world, not just the museum world. I was so obsessed with trying to rebuild one organization that I allowed myself to become a full-time volunteer, to give all of my time and talent with very little appreciation. I'll more than likely reflect on that later.
Some days are good, some are bad. I'm just trying to take everything one day at a time and not get too caught up in my own head. I think my darkest days might be behind me.
